Feelings from the Neurodivergent perspective.
Naming feelings connects the right side of the brain giving empathy and attunement to the observations. There differences in the emotional experience between neurotypical and neurodivergent individuals. Neurotypicals share similar physical expressions of emotions due to shared brain connections and the mirror neurons active during their interactions, although cultural and familial trauma can alter these expressions even in neurotypical contexts.In neurodivergents, there are differences in connections and mirror neuron activation that can lead to conditions like alexithymia or hyperempathy this variations can make it hard for neurodivergents to name the feelings they are experiencing.
The goal of naming the feeling is to bring empathy and attunement to the experience so, which other strategies can we find to engage the right side of the brain?
The exercise of this session is about empathy and aims to silence inner noise and experience connection without verbal empathy.
Active Listening and Emotional Connection
The group discussed their experiences, sometimes is easier to connect that others, sometimes it´s a challenge because we want to respond verbally. Even virtually, there is an impact due the body language while connecting with others. The discussion highlighted different approaches to active listening and the impact of non-verbal cues in maintaining emotional connection during sharing exercises.
Some empathy and emotional regulation strategies for neurodivergents were shared highlighting the importance of creating safe spaces, particularly for those to whom we are a safe person/safe space.
This summary is made to honor delayed processing and give everyone the opportunity to have asynchronous interactions.
Is there something you would like to share o ask?
With love,
Karla
Really interested in the delayed processing of feelings, especially when combined with connecting to the feelings of others and/or in difficult contexts. Is there more I could read around developing that?
Also wanting to acknowledge that naming feelings can act as a trigger:
I noticed apprehension coming into a session on feelings. Often, even in nice safe nvc spaces, I will leave (or will want to leave) that part out. If I include feelings, it’s usually a guess working back from the need. I’m reflecting that when I’m prompted to name feelings, I feel frustrated (and have judgements I should be able to do it readily and not lose the attention of others) – and that new feeling drowns out the one I was trying to atune to. A similar thing sometimes happens when others guess at my feelings – I can feel intense embarrassment if they were right and I hadn’t noticed, frustration if they were wrong (added to powerlessness if their guess was frustration/anger and I am now feeling that in response to the guess) or a sharp disconnect where I don’t understand the guess – so now want to process that too. Feelings are where a lot of vulnerability is found – that what is internal and essentially mine can be observed and interpreted
can sometimes come as a shock.
Hi, I don’t have one specific book that deals with delayed processing of feelings, I haven’t found one, what I share in my sessions is the result of trail and learning based on hypothesis I made from different sources. I have read so many books with different perspectives but not one about hyper empathy that I could recommend. The books that helped me the most were the once from Sarah Peyton https://www.yourresonantself.com She has 2 books about resonance, one that explains the way the brain works and the other with exercises to explore your own emotions. They are not focused on neurodivergent persons but those exercises helped me to discover myself. You can also read about the term “Empaths” in English which refers to the hyper empathy, Teal Swan has a very old video on YouTube about the hyper empathy being a consequence of hyper vigilance of a child that needs to scan the environment constantly when growing up in an unsafe environment and it makes sense with the evidence presented in the books of Scattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder from Gabor Maté and Autism in Polyvagal Terms: New Possibilities and Interventions from Sean M. Inderbitzen but non of the talk about hyper empathy.
I was able to deepen my “trail and lean” process in the pandemic whem the environment was ideal for me, working from home with the stimuli around me controlled. I was also accompanying persons one on one and I could tell what was mine (known physical sensations) and what was definitively not mine (new sensations). Now that I don’t have my service dog I haven working on this topic again. Is my answer accurate to that you are looking? Is yes I can share some exercises I am doing now without Bruno that might be of help…
And about naming feelings as a trigger it happens to me too still now. I use to prefer the space to work on myself because working with others feels different/confusing/complicated. I guess now I empowered my self and I say something like “I am Autistic for me it´s different and I need space now for myself” most people understand… not all…
I have gratitude for your reply. I understood that what you shared came from many sources that contribute to, rather than set out comprehensively, your understanding. Thank you for sharing some references I might continue my journey from.
I’m unclear what you meant by ‘trail and lean’, I guess that might be in translation – perhaps ‘trial and error’? I understood that you were learning more about how to isolate and identify your own feelings through controlling your environment and that you have some exercises you’re doing now which might help. Yes, I am interested in hearing about them.
I recognise the temptation to uncomplicate by working in my own space when it comes to feelings. I also reflect that NVC has challenged me to be more forthcoming about what I am trying to do and that this is normally well received. It can feel vulnerable when I’m not understood, as still happpens for me too.
Hi, I hope my references are of help in your journey.
Yes, It comes from “Trial and Error”. I don’t like “trial and error” since I believe that error is based on right-wrong mentality. I use trail and learn because every time I try something there are new connections made from that trial and I learn from it.
This is an exercise I made for myself based on “time travel empathy” from Sarah’s book: I choose a situation where I will not be giving any response, I will not be perceived and I am in a controlled environment, for this I normally choose an NVC online session, it can be an empathy session, the idea is that someone will be sharing their feeling. The goal is to make my nervous system feel save in real time while experiencing feelings through hyper-empathy. I know those are not my feeling but I am giving me “in real time” the possibility to feel the sensations. My hypothesis with this exercise is that the more I can be present for my feelings with a calmed nervous system, the more I will be able to experience feeling in real time while interacting with others. For me convincing my nervous system that we are/I am safe is the key to be able to process in real time.
I am also doing another exercise to reduce my hyper empathy at will, this one involves making me fell safe and cared for, this is an imagining exercise. I see myself with Bruno, I see him standing beside me because I can recall that feeling, he would be leading the way while I enter a room for example. In one situation I imagined him getting huge and standing behind me, everyone could see him and I had nothing to worry about because Bruno is there.
For now I have been successful on feeling save with this two exersices as long as I don’t have to talk, when I have to talk my brain connects somewhere else… I am working on it… I take neuroscience clases with Sarah Peyton monthly and every month I kind of introduce new nuances to my exercises…
I have been loving the discovery of feeling vulnerable and safe in NVC spaces and now that I bring my neurodivergent experience I feel so motivated to share and inspired about the changes this can bring in terms of neuro-plasticity, inclusion, diversity and of course Peace!