NVC and Neurodivergence Session 4

The fourth step of Nonviolent Communication is to make a request.

This step makes sense after having identified the need because it allows us to be creative in the strategies to cover the need that we are having most present. When we know what we need, we have given clarity to what is causing our emotions and by having these two aspects clear, our brain is already calm and connected to be able to move on to the last step, which is to move into action. The request serves to activate the circuit of neurons that leads us to seek what can contribute to cover a need.

In a Neurotypical brain being perceived and seeing the other person “in the eyes” is part of the empathy, it does not require extra effort. For the neurodivergent brain, with all the stimuli in the environment, being for one self is the act of empathy; seeing the other, listening to the other or being perceived by the other can require an extra effort to a brain that is already making a lot of efforts to process the all the stimuli around. For the neurotypical brain that is constantly filtering, the answer to small-talk’s questions can be automatic and doesn’t requiere an extra effort. For a Neurodivergent brain processing a question to give an answer might not be an automatic activity but an extra requirement of energy. 

Making a request in the NVC process has implicitly the openness to receive a “No” as answer because it’s based on the premise of flexibility to find strategies that covers mutual needs. The Rejection Sensitive Disforia is a characteristic in many Neurodivergent that makes it hard or even impossible to make a question with the openness to receive a NO. The exercise on this session aims to have the experience of the impact of Rejection Sensitive Disforia when making questions to find strategies to help Neurodivergents to connect and cultivate the relationship and have mutual needs meet.

This summary is made to honor delayed processing and give everyone the opportunity to have asynchronous interactions.

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With love,
Karla